What Could Have Been
by SpitfireUSN
Summary: One-shots and excerpts from Another End pertaining to the relationship between medic Jason "Jay" Miller and Rhys "Wraith" Allen. (Will mostly only be updated with excerpts from Another End and whatever I happen across that I've already written(posted or not). I'm not likely to write new material, other than that)
1. Blanket Fort

**_An anon on Jay's Tumblr asked for a JayxRhys drabble and I obliged. This is what I came up with. It is a Domestic AU and has no weight or relevance to any canon from my other stories and the other things to be posted here._**

 ** _Thanks for Reading, Fly High Aim Higher_**

 ** _~Spitfire out_**

Jay hadn't been feeling well lately, had hardly gotten out of bed except to go to the bathroom. In the interest of getting Jay out of bed for at least a little while, Rhys had set up a blanket fort downstairs the size of their bed. He had to move some furniture around, but he didn't mind in the least, not where his Jaybird was concerned. Before going to wake Jay from his 'illness nap', as he insisted on calling it, Rhys set up a laptop with movies and gotten a couple bottles of water and snacks that would be light on Jay's upset stomach. Satisfied he could do no more to make it as comfortable as he could for his sick boyfriend, Rhys retreated to their bedroom to rouse Jay.

"Hey, little Jaybird, wake up, babe," Rhys shook his shoulder gently, speaking softly.

Jay looked at him blearily. Rhys thought maybe he was trying to glare- Jay was usually pretty grumpy when he was sick- but it didn't quite reach his face.

"I've got somethin' for you in the living room," Rhys petted his hair, brushing it back from his forehead, "You think you can walk or should I carry you?"

Jay grunted and held his arms out to Rhys. Rhys was pleased with Jay's decision and scooped him up gently in a bridal carry with a grin on his face. Jay buried his face into Rhys' chest as Rhys walked them to the living room. Rhys ducked into the blanket fort and tucked Jay into a spot he'd nestled into the blankets using the side of the couch and the coffee table to build a spot for him to lean upright against. Rhys nestled in behind him and held him close as he set the movies on the laptop to play.

Jay smiled at him, throat too sore to say anything, and shifted to bury his face in Rhys' neck and fall asleep again. Rhys chuckled and just held Jay as he shifted them into a more comfortable position. Rhys curled around Jay and fell asleep with him to the sounds of his light snoring.


	2. Love

**_This one was originally posted to a one-shot prompt collection on AO3 exclusively, but since it's about Jay and Rhys, I'm putting it here. Beware the Angst._**

 ** _Thanks for Reading, Fly High Aim Higher_**

 ** _~Spitfire out_**

Love. It was an innocent word mostly. Small, unassuming, no one would think much of the word being said, but love, _real_ love, was something much more complex. Not necessarily complicated, but complex in the deepest meaning of the word. You think of rockets and space and circuitry and you consider it complex 'stuff' that you won't bother trying to understand, and then there's love, it's ten times as complex, and yet everyone in this world seems to want to understand it in its deepest meaning.

It was simple really, love was something that burned inside of Jay's heart every time he so much as glanced at that man. It was something that made him smile, for no reason other than he was happy just existing with this man. Jay loved Rhys and Rhys loved Jay. That was all there was to it, really, love is when someone or something makes you smile for no reason, makes you feel safe even in the direst of situations. Love was not something to be taken lightly, though, because life was short, and you had to spend that time with those you loved, lest they be taken from you by a cruel fate and a well-meant action.

That was how Jay had lost his love. A bullet that was meant for him had met its mark in Rhys' chest instead and suddenly Jay couldn't move, couldn't breathe, and couldn't think. Rhys was dead because of him. The only people he had ever loved where all dead. His parents, killed in a bombing in Afghanistan, and now Rhys, because of _him_ , because he hadn't done anything to save the man he loved so deeply. Jay wanted to die in that moment, had fought hard to try to stay with Rhys; had hoped the enemy would put a bullet through him too, but it never happened. His team had pulled him back to the waiting helicopter. _He hadn't even gotten to say good-bye._

Jay had cried and screamed his pain for three days until the day they buried an empty coffin and put up a headstone with Rhys' name on it. Jay had stood there, in the rain and in pained silence, for the entirety of the day and night.

He fell to his knees beside the grave and pulled a small velvet box and a note from his pocket. He had found these left on their bed, Rhys' 'just in case' letter; they both left their letters before every mission. The box, he hadn't quite expected, not until he read the letter. Rhys had wanted to ask Jay to marry him when they got back… only Rhys didn't make it back.

Jay held the unopened box and letter close to him for five years, when he finally gathered the courage to open it, and wear the ring Rhys had meant to give him in person. Jay would never love anyone else, he was too afraid. He didn't want to go through that pain again.

Love. Love was an evil, tainted, painful word. One that held vile and malicious intentions, set forth by the course of life. Something so innocent, so strong, so _evil_ , had broken Jay down to a fragile shell of a man, too afraid to love again.


	3. How He Died

**_First excerpt from Another End. Prophet finally learns what's been bugging Jay._**

 ** _Thanks for Reading, Fly High Aim Higher_**

 ** _~Spitfire out_**

"Tell me how he died?" he asked it anyway, "Rhys, I mean."

Jay swallowed and looked down at his hands, wringing them tightly, he took a long moment to get his thoughts together then finally opened his mouth to speak, "We were in an unpopulated area, a forest, just outside of Moscow…" he started.

"We had to hold out, we had no choice, had to wait for our ride… There were so many of them, it's impossible to know where it came from…" Jay sighed, "Rhys and I were right next to each other, there was a fallen log between the trees we were taking cover behind. Rhys was trying to get a shot off, but he couldn't so much as peek around the tree without getting shot at, so I stepped out of cover, drew fire to give Rhys and the team a chance to thin them out…"

Prophet noted that Jay's eyes had started watering, he wanted to tell Jay to stop, start somewhere else, somewhere less scarring, somewhere happier, but he'd been explicitly told not to interrupt, so he said nothing and let Jay continue.

" _Everything and everyone was telling me to get back into cover…_ Rhys, Jack, my gut, my head, _everything_ … I don't know why I didn't… I just stood there and kept shooting…" Jay bit his lip, "I don't know if everything stopped or I just tuned it all out, but when Rhys pushed me down… everything got quiet… I _heard_ him hit the ground, _I could hear how much pain he was in_ …" His hands were shaking terribly now, "He took the bullet for me, right through his right lung…" Jay could hear the pain in his own voice, "I looked at him and I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't _think_ ," he shook his head, "It wasn't a panic attack, I've had them before, that wasn't it, it was so much worse… I _knew_ I could save him, if I just _moved,_ if I just _did something,_ I could've saved him…" the tears were falling now, quick and heavy, "But I didn't…"

Prophet swallowed thickly, but he could tell there was more Jay wanted to say about it, he didn't want to urge him to share any more of such a painful memory, but he _had_ to, "And?"

"And I watched him die as Jack dragged me away, kicking and screaming… I fought tooth and nail to stay with him… I wanted to die with him, had hoped they'd put a bullet through me too… but the chopper was there, and the gunner opened fire, pushed 'em back… I was 'safe'… they didn't even let me go back for his body…" His voice broke into a choked sob.

Prophet wrapped an arm around him as his shoulders shook violently. This was a whole new level of guilt and depression as far as Prophet was concerned. Everyone had lost people, all in different ways, some more painfully than others, but Jay's story… it was one of the most painful Prophet could even think of.

Jay got his crying under control and started talking again, "We got back and I went back to mine and Rhys' room… we both left our letters, just in case, but we never thought it would actually happen… When I went in, I found Rhys' letter with a box…" he pulled the worn letter and small, black, velvet box out of his pocket and handled them as if he were afraid they'd turn to dust in his hands as he passed the letter to Prophet but kept tight hold of the box, "He was going to ask me to marry him when we got back…"

Prophet read through the letter, but was caught off guard by Jay's confession even though he'd finished reading. He hadn't thought the story could get more painful.

Prophet swallowed and shook his head, "Y-you don't need to say any more, Jay…"


	4. White Water Rapids

The bridge shook with the force of the chopper's rocket hitting it and Jay stumbled before regaining his feet, only to be slammed painfully into the concrete guard rail on the outer edge by a car that was practically flying, sent his way by the explosion. The chopper waved off after firing the volley, presumably to RTB for a refuel and rearm.

Jay shouted in pain as the truck bore down into the side of the bride and his gut, pinning him painfully against the reinforced concrete. His team was there almost instantly and emergency services weren't far behind. Jack, Fox, and Onyx tried to pull the truck back as Rhys took Jay's hand. Something was keeping the truck from moving back.

"Jason, Jaybird, look at me," Rhys urged, rubbing the back of Jay's hand, "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

Jay grimaced but looked at Rhys, "I'm alright Ry, just… stuck to the side of a bridge…" The fire crew trotted up to help the team move the truck but Jay waved them off, "There are civilians, get them to safety first, I'm in good hands."

A few of the crew seemed reluctant, but they all moved off to sift through the wrecks of cars for surviving civilians.

Jay let out a breath and looked at his team then over his shoulder at the rushing rapids below and made a face as he looked forward again, "Is now a bad time to remind everyone that I _can't_ swim?" Jay joked in an effort to ignore the fact that he wasn't sure he could feel his legs.

He got four exasperated looks for his effort and grunted, "I'll take that as a yes…"

The ground below him shifted and cracked and the truck pressed harder into his torso. Jay groaned in pain, pushing at the truck, but the ground didn't stop shifting and Jay realized what was happening.

"Everyone off the bridge _now!_ " He yelled, "It's coming down!"

The fire crew and their civilian rescuees evacuated the bridge without second thought, but Jay's team didn't.

"We're not leaving you Jay," Jack protested.

"Like hell I'd ever consider it," Rhys growled.

"You have to," Jay insisted.

"The hell we do," Fox argued.

Jay eyed her, "I'm invoking my authority as medic to _order you all to get the hell off this bridge before it comes down_ ," he commanded.

Jack, Fox, and Onyx stared at him for a moment before reluctantly retreating to solid ground. Rhys held tight to Jay's hand.

"I won't leave you, you stubborn jackass," Rhys stressed.

Jay gave him a plaintive look before the ground shifted again and he grimaced in pain. Then the ground started falling and Jay looked panic-stricken at him before pulling him close, only to shove him away onto more stable ground.

"JASON!" Rhys screamed as the ground fell away and Jay and the truck disappeared over the edge of what was left.

He rushed forward and saw the truck stuck on some rocks, but he couldn't see Jay.

Jay hit the icy water hard and the current instantly swept him along, struggling and flailing trying to get his head above water. Debris and rocks buffeted and pummeled him, driving what air he had out of his lungs, forcing him to inhale water. Jay clawed desperately at the water, kicking futilely as he tried to get to the surface or find purchase for his hands to drag himself out. Black spots danced in his vision as his fingers finally dug into sand-laced gravel and he managed to find enough strength to pull himself free of the raging rapids. He collapsed on the gravel river bank and tried to force the water from his lungs but had no energy left in him to do it.

…

…

…

"There he is!"

The voice roused Jay and he coughed, turning on his side as the water in his lungs finally came up. He struggled up to his hands and knees as he shook and threw up the water. There were hands on him, one on his back the other on his arm. They were warm, familiar hands with a comforting touch and Jay leaned into them, turning over to let their owner hold him as he looked up at Rhys' face and gave a stiff, forced smile. Rhys glared at him.

"Sorry…" Jay mumbled.

Rhys shook his head and pulled Jay close to him, "Right now I'm just glad you're okay…" he let the silence drag on for a moment as Jay nuzzled into him, the smaller man was _freezing_ , Rhys noted, "but we _will_ be talking about this later…"

Jay smiled and chuckled, wrapping his arms around Rhys, "That's fair…"

A bag was set down next to them and Jay looked over at it- it was his kit- and up at Fox, "You left your kit on the bridge. You look like you need it."

Rhys took the bag before Jay could and opened it up. He took a gauze pad and pressed it to a larger cut on Jay's forehead.

Jay pouted at him, "I _am_ capable of doing this myself y'know…"

Rhys gave him a look, "You nearly drowned and until now, you didn't even notice that you're bleeding…" Jay opened his mouth to argue, but Rhys cut him off, " _Don't_ even try to deny it, Jaybird, I know you too well babe. I've seen you do this enough times, I can do it just as well as you can."

Jay frowned and pouted at Rhys, but let him continue mopping up the blood around his face.

…

…

…...

Rhys kept his arms extra tight around Jay that night. Holding him protectively against his chest, careful of the bruises, scrapes, and cracked ribs that his Jaybird was nursing. He was sleeping peacefully, aided by the painkillers he'd taken. Rhys rubbed soothing circles on Jay's back, slowly drifting off to sleep as well.


End file.
